how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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