Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
