before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
