can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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