I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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