Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
