ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
