It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
