I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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