Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
