Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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