you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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