Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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