The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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