census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
