things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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