She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
