How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
