Soap is not a condiment
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
