My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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