I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
