I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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