i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize