I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
