Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
