so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
