he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
