I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
