i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
