she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she looked like the before picture.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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