Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
