:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
