Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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