People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
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and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
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Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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