there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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