I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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