Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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