You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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