My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
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I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize