I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
