This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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