I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
