Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
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we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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