John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
