i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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