I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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