He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
