Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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