I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
