I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
