She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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