i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
