I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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