??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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