I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Even my vagina gasped.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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