she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize