I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
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the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
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Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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